5 Things I am Insecure about!!!

Hello Wild Ones 🧡🧡🧡

I hope you are good and doing awesome things. My hope is that you are taking time to listen to your feelings. I am currently full of hope and peace.

Welcome to my rumble. Today I will be talking about my insecurities and if you relate don’t hesitate to shoot me a message on messenger, email, or Instagram. (I am really enjoying engaging with guys)

So top things I am very insecure about:

  • My intelligence– I knew that I was smart way before I even knew that I knew who I was. Most of my identity as a kid was the girl who is always position one and I remember the first time I wasn’t position one in high school, everyone who knew me didn’t understand why I hadn’t passed. Despite having good grades, I still felt like a very big part of myself and I spent the rest of my high school trying to be that girl. I just wanted to really good at academia, I just wanted to be the perfect student. So many years later I am still that girl that craves to be seen as the smart one.
  • My boobs– My boobs started growing when I was in class three and I remember my aunt and my mum inspecting me while announcing that I was becoming a woman. After that, my boobs just got bigger and bigger until around form three high school. Around class six, I remember I used to get a lot of attention because of them. From old men enough to be my father in the streets shouting from a mile away, “Great Boobs” and Jackson my class always too close my boobs and hands always brushing over them by ‘mistake’ to male teachers requesting we wear sweaters in class not seduce them. Other than that I really wish I just had really small perky boobs that allowed me to wear cute bralettes and tops. I hate bra shopping with a passion.
  • My writing– Writing is at the core of my identity ever since people started asking me what I wanted to be I was said writer five out of ten. In the primary, my English Essay was always being read in class and I always had a diary full of poems and articles. I have always wanted to write with brevity like Binyavanga Wainaina, with prowess like Ngugi was Thiongo and tell revolutionary content like Chinua Achebe and Chimamanda Adichie but sometimes when I look at my content, I think to myself, “Woow that’s some basic shit you have going on!!!”
  • My relationships– I grew up in a very weird set up. I would call it dysfunctional but I am not sure it was that bad but it was not that good either. My whole childhood was plagued with a lot of weird stuff that kids shouldn’t have to deal with or even know about. My biggest fear is to project my childhood trauma to people so I always find reasons to walk away from healthy relationships and I run towards unhealthy relationships and pain. It’s like I have a motto, ‘It ain’t love until you are struggling.’
  • My Strength– I am the type of person who waits to be extremely in pain to take painkillers. I have this intense desire in me to be the strong one. I don’t ask for help until I have checked a thousand times that I really can’t swim. I also have this thing where I keep tabs on how many times I ask for help from people, for example, if I come to you for emotional support once, I try my best to never come to you again. These things are not black and white, they are internalized, I just find myself doing them. I guess I just want to be the strong black woman so badly.

What are your insecurities? How do you deal with them?

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Today’s Tip

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With love and insecurity,

Jackie

30 Comments Add yours

  1. judeitakali says:

    Raw and honest

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you!!!

  2. I understand that part about intelligence. I could say the same. Writing is great way to vent out. I’m insecure about writing too. Especially when I’m going through a bad spell of writer’s. Everything bad thing that anyone has said about my writing comes to mind. I get that part about strength. Sometimes, it’s hard to ask for help.

    1. jackie says:

      Going through a bad spell is the worst but gets better. Thank you for reading and engaging with me.

      1. It was my pleasure 🙂

  3. Michael says:

    It’s a gift to know one’s self. 🙂

    1. jackie says:

      Yeah it is. Thank you for stopping by!!

  4. Rashi Singh says:

    We share similar insecurities…My peers have only ever thought of me as good in studies. It’s a little pressurising at times. And yes, I care about my writing a lot. Sometimes, I don’t share it with people out of fear of being judged. But I’m growing out of that.

    1. jackie says:

      Our writings are our babies. They are part of our DNA. Sometimes you are afraid to let out but it’s important that we do.

      1. Rashi Singh says:

        Couldn’t agree more, Jackie!

  5. It takes so much courage to let your insecurities out in front of the world. Kudos to your courage! 😌
    Did I not tell you, let me now: You are amazing just as you are! Never change!☺

    Stay safe and stay blessed!💛
    -theinkwarrior

    1. jackie says:

      Aaaaw Thank you!!!

  6. Think I resonate with the help and being strong one, or I used to. I liked being able to do everything by myself and refused help. I’ve learned that giving and receiving is one and so it’s important that if someone offers me help I receive it. Think I’m still not great with asking for the help though..

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad you related. We just need to work harder on it. Thanks for reading and commenting!!

  7. Flor says:

    This has dug waay deep into my stoicism and I love that you’ve accepted to speak out and be vulnerable at the same time.I hope I get to that point.

    1. jackie says:

      There is liberation in vulnerability. I hope you get there too.

  8. Honestly..I feel you..I’m insecure about practically everything you are insecure about too…for the longest time my blog was private…I could not bring myself to share it with anyone else coz I was like…this is crazy…I’m sharing personal stuff and branding myself as a writer? Like Chinua Achebe…I need to quit drugs😁😁😁(I don’t do drugs I’m just kidding) and the first time my mom read my blog…I almost dug a hole and hid…or stole cash,went to Mexico and changed my name to Juanita.😁😁
    The boobs!! Jesus Christ…the boooobs!!mine were always small..I literally started wearing a bra in campus..and I was insecure alright…people said I wasn’t woman enough to be wanted by a man..and I hated myself..a lot..and The intelligence!!
    You know what..basically…I’ve come to learn that we are always insecure about stuff and we should let our insecurities define us

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad that you related to what I wrote. I think everyone has a struggle they don’t like talking about. Everyone feels insecure about something but should never let us stop from being the best that we are meant to be. I am sorry you had to hear someone say such mean things to you. but know that you are beautiful because God created you so. Look at the mirror and say it yourself so many times that you will begin to see and believe it. Then no one will ever put you down.

  9. kwambokaisla says:

    I’d say the same on all that especially my boobs gosh also intelligence and writings uk in high school they never gave us privacy with our diaries and I really can’t be a hundred percent confident with my writings it’s such a struggle 💔😣 I totally relate Jackie ❤️

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad you can relate. Thank you for reading.

      1. kwambokaisla says:

        My pleasure actually

  10. What a beautiful post and I hope you are feeling all the love and support from opening up about what you’re insecure about because we are supportive! We all have these types of insecurities…when we share, we allow healing and connecting with other people.

    1. jackie says:

      True Healing Happens when we open up. Thank you for reading.

  11. Biana says:

    Heeeeh boobs meehn
    Mine didnt start early in but after i reached highschool they outgrew me 😂😂😂😂then university it became worse cause like the person with my storyline just loves plot twist i made friends with petite girls small boob can wear whatever pops in their head but what brought the insecurity to the surface was the cat calling the names you’re given when you talk to a boy/man their eyes trained on your chest being called “milk factory” its hard
    But I guess we all serve some purpose.
    Just know we are in this together😎

    1. jackie says:

      I so relate to the cat calling, I especially remember the first time, some old man catcalled, he licked his lips and then started saying how nice he thought my boobs were. It’s the worst experience. Thank you for reading.

  12. makenakinoti says:

    “…I also have this thing where I keep tabs on how many times I ask for help from people, for example, if I come to you for emotional support once, I try my best to never come to you again…”

    I felt these statements…actually, I know them because they kabisaa describe me.
    Thank you for sharing this.☺

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad you could relate. Thank you so much for reading.

  13. Wow! I really like when you’re personal and open Jackie.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading.

      1. You’re welcome Jackie!

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