Consent: 4 things I now know

No for My No

Hello Wild Ones 💕💕💕💕 (Confetti on the floor as we learn about Consent)

I hope you are well and treating yourself, dearest Royal member. I hope that you are taking the right breaks and catering to your love language. You deserve the best, darling. Don’t settle. I am currently learning to be graceful with myself while still meeting my potential. It’s quite a spot.

Today’s Commercial Break

Consent, Calm Wildness Affirmation
Made with love on Canva

Understanding Consent

Today I will be doing something a little bit different. I will be writing a letter to my younger self about the lessons. I learn about consent throughout the years. Sit tight.

The Not-so Love Letter

Dear 11-year-old Jackie,

I hope you are well. Bet you are really bothered by the protruding on your chest. Highly suspect by now that you have already lied to people that you got your period because everyone you know has it. I wonder what you will do with all the sanitary pads that your mum is buying you. Baby Girl, the world is about to change from now henceforth. Everything is going to change. You are not ready for it, but you will be fine. Here are some things that you will learn along the way.

Authorities can be the perpetrators

I am sorry that the authorities in your life will fail you.  You might think that the sun shines and sets on that teacher, but he is a predator. It is not appropriate that he made you sit straight in class because he felt that you were leaning on the chair to seduce him. It will never be okay that female teachers held a meeting with the girls in your class to tell you that your petticoat showing was seducing certain teachers. You were just twelve, for heaven’s sake. You didn’t even know anything about sex to be seducing grown men enough to be your father.

When that pretty girl in your class tells you what the teacher did to her, I hope you don’t take it and tell someone.  I am sorry you have to sit through that weird teacher’s explanations of his sex life. Society has normalized this kind of abuse that you will only realize in your twenties. I am sorry that this abuse will shape some of the ways that you view your body. Sadly, society has given teachers so much power.

Sexual Harassment is not romantic

I am sorry that the TV glamourizes sexual abuse. Sadly, the only time you will see a Disney prince ask for consent is when Kristoff asked Anna whether he can kiss her. I am sorry that it will take so long even to know what consent looks like. The boy who will kiss you even when you say no is not romantic. I am sorry that you will kiss him back because everything feels wrong, and you just want to fix it. The boy who touches you without asking is not romantic. I am sorry that your voice will dry out at that moment. He is a perpetrator, even if he might not know better. I am sorry that all that sex education will not teach you anything of consent. I am sorry that you will have to go through so much even before you learn to assert your consent.

Coaxing is not consent

I am sorry that there is a whole culture that makes men think that they need to keep trying even after you reject them. You will wind up dating people because they wore you out with advances. I am sorry that your naïve stance and weak willpower will be preyed on. I am sorry that some boy’s mama and papa never taught them to accept no, so you will cower under pressure. My heart breaks at what you will have to deal with before you find a way to take a stand. I am sorry that taking a stand will always be hard. They will throw stones at you just because you said no. Other times they will keep the ‘Mr. Nice guy’ act for so long and play the victim because you rejected them, but I promise you will survive.

Consent can be withdrawn

I am sorry that the world is evil, and your no can be used against. Your no is meant to protect you, so don’t fear to say it out loud. I am sorry that boy will tell you that just because they kissed you once, you can do it again. I am sorry that you will break apart when this happens. You will not have the courage to walk away. It is not fair that the world doesn’t make it easy to take a stand, but I promise you will learn. I promise that it will not always be so hard. I promise that you will grow from this. Keep your head.

Baby Girl, I don’t mean to scare you, but it will all happen, and you will be stronger for it. I promise. I know that this is only a snippet of the things you will go through. It doesn’t get any better, but you learn to live through it. Hopefully, one day you will grow to fight harder for girls like you. Hopefully.

With love,

Almost 23-year-old Jackie

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

In your own words, What is consent, at what age did you learn about it, and what do you wish you knew about consent?

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Today’s Tip

Consent
Pinterest: Bustle

Learn more about consent on Bustle.

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With Looooooove and Sunshine🌞🌞🌞🌞

Your Resident Awesome Queen Jackie

29 Comments Add yours

  1. vaniheart says:

    Such a powerful message 👏

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you🧡🧡🧡

  2. Consent= mutual agreement. Not one-sided.
    This is such a heartfelt message. I never imagined writing to my younger self. I love this!

    Many things happened while growing up. You know how girls were(some still are) so naive and all that. I realized every single thing you just wrote later in life. Brilliant. So brilliant, Jackie.

    1. jackie says:

      True Consent is a mutual Agreement.

      It’s sad that it keeps happening. Here’s to hoping that it gets better.

      Thank you for reading and commenting.💖💖

  3. DAP says:

    Great post!!! Raw, and truthful! <3

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading.🧡🧡🧡🧡

  4. ashok says:

    Peace and wisdom unto all Jackie.

    You could try one more exercise- Try to project yourself into future – Jackie at 35 and see what you could teach Jackie who is almost 23 😊🤗

    1. jackie says:

      I should do this💖💖💖💖

      1. ashok says:

        💖🤗

  5. I absolutely Loooove this.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading 🧡🧡🧡🧡

  6. Love the fries summary 🙌🙌🙌. Heavy on the consent can be withdrawn.

    1. jackie says:

      Yes, it is a really good summary done by Planned Parenthood. True, Consent can always be withdrawn. Thank you for reading and commenting💖💖💖

  7. Silver says:

    I think in particularly the Reversible part of the infographic you posted is so, so important.

    Just because I thought something was ok in the past, does not mean that I can’t change my opinion. If I then tell you that something you did in the past, is no longer ok for you to do to me, then that’s your cue to stop doing [insert the thing the person is doing], instead of trying to justify why you should be allowed to continue doing said thing.

    1. jackie says:

      So true. It’s so sad that many people don’t have the sense to stop.

  8. There is no question about it, it will be a long haul, men of today are still lacking behind! Now we must focus on the young boys and providing them with the right role models! I guess every culture has its own take on how to approach the problem. There is no one model that fits all, but it might start with teaching boys and girls together to break down the stereotypical of female-male role divide. The question of consent comes down to self confidence and not feeling inferior because of being of the female sex!
    From the beginning on I brought my daughter up so she would feel equal to the male in every aspect of her personality, however, culture is the defining factor.
    Stay strong, keep the fight up!

    1. jackie says:

      So true, It starts by teaching the children and breaking gender roles and also true, culture really plays a big role in this.

  9. Maggy says:

    Consent to me means that we have both agreed on the sexual relation we are about to have 💯, which can always be withdrawn and both parties should be comfortable saying no or yes to the advances,,, I think this one of the most sidelined piece of information in our sex education system, no one really teaches you to say no or accept a no for what it is,,,

    1. jackie says:

      True, Sex Education needs to do better.

  10. Wonani says:

    This broke me a little and took me back to so many things 😂
    This is a message I will never get tired of sharing.
    Consent is something so simple yet people fail to grasp it.

    Additionally, silence is not and will never be consent.

    1. jackie says:

      So true, Silence is never consent. So sad most people don’t grasp this.

  11. Great article Jackie. I totally loved how you brought out the points/ lessons… I totally wish that a 10 year old child would read this. Not only girls but boys too….

    However there’s something I’m struggling with even as I go through the comments… But struggle is such a heavy word so I’d say trying to understand. Should consent only come up when we are talking about sexual matters???….

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading and commenting.

      Consent is not just in sexual matters. It should exist in every human interaction. I think the reason it is often spoken in the context of sexual matters because that is one of the big areas that it gets violated a lot, especially for women.

      1. Oh I see your point of view now🙂

  12. judeitakali says:

    This is so very real.

    1. jackie says:

      True, Thank you for reading and commenting❤❤💕

      1. judeitakali says:

        Very much my pleasure.

  13. Love this piece, reminds me of my teenage when nothing made sense and I didn’t know who to ask

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad that you could relate. Thank you for reading.💖💖💖💖

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