Hello Wild Ones 🌹🌹🌹
I hope you are well and doing great things. I hope that you are loving on yourself and the awesome human being that you are. I hope you forgive yourself for the mistakes that you make and give yourself a chance to be the best human being you can be. I am currently full of smiles and joy as I write this. Awesome things are happen in my life and they keep coming.🌷🌷
I struggled to write this and also struggled even more to get the courage to post it. I struggled a lot on Father’s Day so my therapist said that I should write about it and when I am ready, share it with someone. I choose my blog…even though it’s a little too deep. This is just my truth and I think I will be a little sensitive to comments in this piece so empathy would be nice💟💟.
I meant to write this on Father’s Day. I meant to write a long post about love then I realized that I could never have the sweetest story like the girl next to me who kept saying “Dad, I know how good men look like because I have met you” . I didn’t have a sweet story about us. I just had a dream of who I wish you were. On Father’s day, I was sad because I wanted to have a man celebrate and the truth is other than the fact I look like you and I have your pride and spirit of adventure; I don’t know you and I never will personally. At least not on this earth.
Dad, I was angry that you died and how you died. I know it’s unfair and some will say that it’s not your fault. Some will say it’s destiny but sometimes when I look at it, I see a man whose consequences led him there. I know you were not perfect but sometimes I wish you were just a little better just for me. I know how selfish I sound but this is my truth, dad. I just wish you realized that your life wasn’t just yours. I needed you to stay at alive because I needed a father.
Dad, I have a whole list of things I wish we could do together. Like be the typical African dad that doesn’t know how to react when told “I love you” then I would tell everyone that all you did was nod when I said it. I would call you everytime I need money and you would send instantly with no questions (My mum asks for a full financial reports with cash flow statements, balance sheets and the analysis) It would make sense when people say that girls look to marry their father. Dad, I miss you, I miss the father I wish you could have been. I have had stories of how much you loved to spend on gifts and I have replayed it in my mind over and over how awesome it would have been to always getting gifts from you. May be that’s why I love gifts so much.
Dad, may be in another world, we meet and you will be everything that I fantasize that you were and more. Dad sometimes I am angry, sometimes I just miss you, sometimes I just feel frustrated, sometimes I just want to have a father figure, but all the time I love you. I haven’t met you but I have the half of you that’s in me and it’s amazing. So rest in peace💖
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With loooove and awesomeness,