Hello Wild Ones 🌷🌷🌷
I hope you are well and taking really good care of yourself. I hope you know how amazing you are and never let anyone put you down. I am currently full of hope and have a very busy schedule but I am surviving.
Today’s Commercial Break
I have been thinking about romantic love for the past few days. I have been wondering if I have ever really been in love. Is love as strong as people claim it is? If I had to choose between romantic love and money what would I choose? I have always believed that love is a choice but then that led me to stick in relationships I had no business nurturing. And if love is a choice then when do you decide to start choosing and when do you decide it’s too much? Someone else said that love is a verb, you know that a person loves you based on what they do.
As if the world knew I was really thinking about this then I saw the statement above. I reflected on my relationships and decided that they were all lessons. It hurt to admit that I may have not been as in love as I thought I was or worse I had never been in love. I was just a girl with no boundaries and codependence trying to find love by giving too much. It hurt to admit that I put myself through some really horrible situatons for something that couldn’t have been love. And yes, life is about making big mistakes and learning from them. I made a mistake that did me and the people I was in relationships with a disservice so now I have to learn from this.
After careful deliberation, I came up with two clear things that I need to work on. One, I must achieve certain goals or at least try on my list before I ever get into a relationship. This is based on the fact that I tend to be very stupid in love and I subtly find myself building a life around my love life. For Example; I have always wanted to go to Graduate School out of Africa but I always found myself feeling a little guilty because my ex-partner had shown disapproval. I knew that my dreams had to come first but I always found myself wondering if I was making a mistake. If I was becoming the stereotypical career woman who believes that they don’t need a man.
I also decided that I need to fall deeper in love with myself and also really work on myself. I need to be able to believe that I am worthy of love and know exactly the kind of love that I deserve. This because I need to never let anyone treat me less. I deserve the kind of love that reinforces the awesome person that I am. The kind of love that is not afraid of my dreams but rather they see even more that I am capable of. My ground deserves to be kissed for having a queen like myself walking on it. I need to have spoiled myself so hard that I wouldn’t expect anything less because I have been to the best places of love and seen it.
Here’s to hoping that I find what it is like to be truly in love with someone else other than myself and loved equally.🍷🍷🍷
Do you believe in love and it’s power? What is love to you?
With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie