Do I ever want to get married?

Hello Wild Ones ❤❤❤

I hope you are well and doing awesome. I hope you are loving on yourself and really listening to your feelings. I hope you are taking care of yourself and including self care into your routine. I have been good and doing awesome things.

I was raised by a single mom and whenever my kindergarten teacher would ask the question, “Who is the head of your family?” I would confidently say, ‘My mother’ and confidently wait for her dispute it then I would loudly and proudly let her know who my mother is (Yes, I have always loved challenging people). I recently realized that despite seeing other families with their fathers and husbands, the idea of a perfect family for me has never had a man in it maybe because that’s not what I saw growing up. This is not to say that all kids raised in single-families are like this but this is my experience and my experience is valid to me so I share it.

The fact that I have seen a fair share of broken marriages and really messed up families doesn’t help the situation. I have seen the wives who stick around their serial cheating husbands, the wives who quit jobs for their husbands then get cheated on with a career woman, the women who build their men from the ground up and then suddenly their husbands are too good for them and the worst kind is the abusive men who beat their wives. With these stories, Marriage feels like this pool of suffering that you are obligated to stay in once you are in it and it gets even more complex when there are children involved. You might say that divorce is an option but then that just makes the whole point of starting something just to end it not worth it. (I know I am looking at it in a linear way) I sometimes declare that I don’t want to get married and my mother often chips in immediately and says ‘Sshhh don’t conjure it!!’

Other times I look at my grandparents and how loyal my grandfather is to my grandmother. There was a time before his dementia got really bad that the only person he seemed to really remember and care about was my grandmother. I loved to watch him take care of my grandmother and my grandmother is just like me, she loved to let him take care of her completely. When I see them together, I want their kind of love that’s more than sixty years together and they still see each other as best friends. It makes me want to walk down the aisle and promise somebody’s son forever.

This is a dilemma that runs through my head over and over. My friend likes to say that my ovaries will give me a run for my fertility when I get to thirty and that I will start to crave for a husband like nobody’s business so I better make up my mind on what exactly I want with this issue (I don’t believe her but it sometimes does scare me) What if I never make up my mind? What if I make my mind ‘too late’? I know that there’s no specific time for a husband to come into the picture but I really don’t want to be raising toddlers at late fifties. My other friend says that one day I will experience a love that will make everything else make sense and this is what I choose to believe. If I am meant to be someone’s wife, I will find this great love that will make the idea of marriage make sense to me. If I am mean to be single then I will find peace and joy in my singleness. Time will tell. Y’all just look out on my blog and we will see what happens in the next years.

Do you wanna get married someday? Are you married? Did you always know you wanted to get married? Why do you want to get married?

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Today’s tips

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With looooove and grace,

Jackie

32 Comments Add yours

  1. Parlcrist says:

    Very true, that’s the dilemma we all go through at some point

    1. jackie says:

      Yeah, thank you for reading💞💞

  2. Good read. 👌Marriage is ordained by God. Vows are sacred.

    At the right time, in the right light, everything is extraordinary.

    🙂

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you💞💞

  3. Lia says:

    I felt the same… I never wanted to get married. Then, yes, I did hit late twenties and I knew I wanted children. I also thought long and hard and decided that I wanted a reliable and honest marriage to raise them within. Other women like Oprah or Elizabeth Gilbert for example are fine without children and mother the world in some ways. Both are great. But if you want biological kids of your own, yes, it’s likely best to decide by age 30. Besides the reasons you mention, that’s because age 35 or after is considered high risk in the birthing industry, and it will change the way your pregnancy and birth is handled, or legally ‘allowed’ to be handled. I had home births, which is what I always knew I wanted, and that was key for me. Everyone’s different though… just my snippet of a story in case it helps at all. Hugs!! :)) 💛

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for sharing your story. It helps🌸🌸🌸

  4. Liz Njoroge says:

    I think we all get confused at times. Sometimes I’m sure about it other times no. Times does tell. I think the spouse you get and God at the center is the recipe for a good marriage. All the best Jackie, we’re looking forward to your future blogs to see how the story unfolds 😁 ❤️

    1. jackie says:

      True!! God is at the center of it all. I suspect it’s going to be a very good story.

  5. Shelly DS says:

    I like how content you are in yourself… I grew up with a single mom and while I thought she was the strongest, coolest super mom ever, I did notice that she needed a companion. Growing up I always wondered what it would’ve been like to have a dad, so when my dad came into my life at 14, I was ecstatic! The only problem was that he had his own things going on (a wife dying of cancer, other kids, busy work) so I was never the center of attention. That hole that I hoped would be filled actually got bigger and bigger to the point that I tried to fill it by dating (idiots). Obviously my heart was broken over and over, until the only man I’ve ever been completely platonic with told me he loved me. Long story short, we are married and things are amazing! He didn’t fill that hole, it was something I needed to work on through therapy and reflection, but he did add on to the quality of my life by bringing more reasons to smile and someone to walk through life with. Don’t write it off, when the right person comes along you’ll see that it really is worth it!

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for that beautiful story💞💞 I have trying to work my own pain too. Thank for your words.

    2. Just shan says:

      I loved this
      I’m so much impressed and this is soo encouraging 😪👏🏼👏🏼❤
      I’m happy for you 👏🏼👏🏼😇

  6. Sharon says:

    I think you go where life leads you. You thought process is so similar to mine. Eventually, you will let life take you where it goes. You can’t control things like marriage or even falling in love. So it’s best to let life find you. Lately, we are seeing that unions don’t have to end in marriage. In fact sometimes relationships end due to the pressures of marriage. A lot of relationships seem to flourish outside the box of marriage. And I love that.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for saying this.💞💞

  7. Just shan says:

    Awesome ..and I remember I once told a friend ( I was very sure BTW) that j wasn’t gonna get married ..but well if it happens like you clearly stated then be it..at the end of the day..all we aim for is love,happiness and peace

    1. jackie says:

      💞💞💞

  8. I believe there is somebody for everybody…and I am def waiting for that post years to come😂💃 weeelll I wanna get married someday..because of my first statement😂🤧

    1. jackie says:

      Eiiiy💞💞💞 I love the energy

      1. why thank youuu🤗🤗

  9. Liz Beaulieu says:

    I was married. We were together for five years and married for two. It was when I felt most isolated from my family and friends. After my divorce, I felt free. I am now in a healthy relationship for the past two years. I don’t know if we will ever get married but we are committed to each other and I feel that is all we need.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for sharing this💕💕 I appreciate this perspective.💕

      1. Liz Beaulieu says:

        Of course. Anytime. That’s just my experience with it. Like you, I’ve never seen a marriage last very long except for my grandparents but that was a different generation. I hope it all works out for you no matter what you decide.

  10. ashok says:

    Good one Jackie. You seem to be a very aware and intelligent young lady and I don’t think you need any advice 😊
    There are no hard and fast rules in life. Everyone and every situation is so unique.

    My parents lived together for 71 years. They were poles apart but both were amazing parents.

    You may like to read a couple of my pretty old posts : Never Fall in Love; Love is a One Way Street etc
    And ; Time Heals Nothing

    All the very best to you. Shall pray that God gives you wisdom to choose well 😊💖

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for you insight💕💕

      I will definitely read those posts.

      1. ashok says:

        My pleasure Jackie 😊🤗

  11. PoojaG says:

    Really great post! Personally, I feel like if it’s meant to be I will find the right person and get married but on the other hand I’m okay with being single as well if I don’t meet the right person.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you💖 💖 This is a great insight Pooja thank you for it.

      1. PoojaG says:

        You’re very welcome!

  12. Liz says:

    I was once married. Rushed into it really, so within a total of around 2 years of going out with him, I left him and divorced him.
    He was a little mentally abusive. I didn’t see that, until I left him. I left him because he changed in ways he said he wouldn’t.
    He treated marriage like he owned me.
    And the before I knew, that I thought he changed on, he hadn’t.

    I have gone out with two people after that. But after the last tela which was 6 years, but not living together during that time, I ditched him be a he couldn’t commint.
    Some years later, accidentally came across him in Google. His photo was obviously a photo taken by the police. When observing the headlines, I was sick to my stomach and it triggered my own past triggers. He was jailed after an 18 year old came forward to the police for historical abuse.
    Reading into that abuse that abuse was already happening while I knew him and going out with him. I knew that child for seeing that child during the time I knew him and going out with him. Never knew anything was going on.
    I learnt this just 3 months after a double funeral of family members that died together, which hit me hard. After coming across what he had done I was literally on the floor and couldn’t handle it. Luckily I had a friend who was already on the way to comfort me.

    I have male friends. But male friends they will always be. I will never marry, or live with anyone now. I value my single life.
    But for those marriages that last a lifetime. I admire those marriages and it is nice to see.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for sharing this liz. Your story is a story about a phoenix rising from her ashes and I am glad that you have the courage and strength to share it. I am also glad you found what works for you. I hope I get to that point. Thank you for your story💖 💖

      1. Liz says:

        You’re welcome. 🙂

  13. I was born to a single mother who later got married to my now stepfather. I’ve seen marriages that look unsatisfactory to me. I hate that women are praised for slaving away in their marriage. It is an act of service from the woman side. But when I my mother got married I saw a different and nicer side of marriage, her life got much better after marriage, socially and economically. I will only get married if there is something solid put on the table for me because I know I come with a whole lot to offer.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for this beautiful story. It has given me a new perspective.

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