Hello Wild Ones ❤❤❤
I hope you are well and doing awesome. I hope you are loving on yourself and really listening to your feelings. I hope you are taking care of yourself and including self care into your routine. I have been good and doing awesome things.
I was raised by a single mom and whenever my kindergarten teacher would ask the question, “Who is the head of your family?” I would confidently say, ‘My mother’ and confidently wait for her dispute it then I would loudly and proudly let her know who my mother is (Yes, I have always loved challenging people). I recently realized that despite seeing other families with their fathers and husbands, the idea of a perfect family for me has never had a man in it maybe because that’s not what I saw growing up. This is not to say that all kids raised in single-families are like this but this is my experience and my experience is valid to me so I share it.
The fact that I have seen a fair share of broken marriages and really messed up families doesn’t help the situation. I have seen the wives who stick around their serial cheating husbands, the wives who quit jobs for their husbands then get cheated on with a career woman, the women who build their men from the ground up and then suddenly their husbands are too good for them and the worst kind is the abusive men who beat their wives. With these stories, Marriage feels like this pool of suffering that you are obligated to stay in once you are in it and it gets even more complex when there are children involved. You might say that divorce is an option but then that just makes the whole point of starting something just to end it not worth it. (I know I am looking at it in a linear way) I sometimes declare that I don’t want to get married and my mother often chips in immediately and says ‘Sshhh don’t conjure it!!’
Other times I look at my grandparents and how loyal my grandfather is to my grandmother. There was a time before his dementia got really bad that the only person he seemed to really remember and care about was my grandmother. I loved to watch him take care of my grandmother and my grandmother is just like me, she loved to let him take care of her completely. When I see them together, I want their kind of love that’s more than sixty years together and they still see each other as best friends. It makes me want to walk down the aisle and promise somebody’s son forever.
This is a dilemma that runs through my head over and over. My friend likes to say that my ovaries will give me a run for my fertility when I get to thirty and that I will start to crave for a husband like nobody’s business so I better make up my mind on what exactly I want with this issue (I don’t believe her but it sometimes does scare me) What if I never make up my mind? What if I make my mind ‘too late’? I know that there’s no specific time for a husband to come into the picture but I really don’t want to be raising toddlers at late fifties. My other friend says that one day I will experience a love that will make everything else make sense and this is what I choose to believe. If I am meant to be someone’s wife, I will find this great love that will make the idea of marriage make sense to me. If I am mean to be single then I will find peace and joy in my singleness. Time will tell. Y’all just look out on my blog and we will see what happens in the next years.
Do you wanna get married someday? Are you married? Did you always know you wanted to get married? Why do you want to get married?
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With looooove and grace,