F For Forgiveness- Journey to Forgive Myself

Jackie’s A to Z

Hello Wild Ones💖,

I hope you are well and surviving. Today was really awesome. I was in a really dark place but as the day unfolded I found sunshine and joy.

Today’s Commercial Break

Made on Canva

So I am already really tired of writing about myself. I love myself but my life is not great content. So I will try to mix this up a little.

Sometimes my mind is full of thoughts. Everything runs around in my brain and I think in pictures so you can imagine the flashes in my brain. Now imagine what it’s like if the thoughts are bad. I have a small horror in my brain. Everything in me hurts. The blood in me rushes so much that I want it to stop because every heart beat hurts. It hurts to live. In those times I just want to die. The world is dark but my brain is darker. I am never escaping the world but myself. I just want the sunshine in me to shine again. I just want the wind in my spine to stop. I just want the knife in my heart to stop. I don’t think of thrashing my wrists because I want to die. I just want to find more tangible pain to feel because the pain of the soul exists but how do I tell people that my heart aches? The journey to forgive myself is learning to put the knife down when it hurts so much because it is not my fault everything hurts. Forgiving myself is not fearing myself and what I might do to myself when I am alone. Forgiving myself is accepting that I couldn’t have known that I was hurting because historically love has been served with pain and abuse. There’s a big storm in me but I will learn to dance with the wind because this storm is mine and I can make it beautiful. Forgiving myself is simply accepting and loving myself as I am.

Made on Canva

I don’t know what you will gain from my rumble but I want you to know that you are awesome and that you should give yourself more credit for the good you do and allowance to love yourself for your mistakes. You are an awesome human being and I love you for that.

What I am wearing….

  • My afro hair with some shea butter in it
  • Blue scarf around my head
  • White top with white flowers (You can’t see it)
  • Blue jeans
  • My anklet
  • My peyote beads
  • My rings

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Today’s Tip

Pinterest: NineFrogs

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With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie

18 Comments Add yours

  1. This deep Jackie, I hope I’m able to tag along with most of the alphabets.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you so much!!

  2. You say the content of your life isn’t interesting. Why not let us be the judge of that and share your story. 😊

    1. jackie says:

      This is so sweet. Thank you!!!

  3. The first step towards loving others is loving yourself.. Lovely insight!

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you!!!

  4. kenyanmom says:

    Stumbling upon your blog and I’m thinking…. Don’t the prettiest smiles hide the roughest lives?! Been there. It’s a journey of self love and continuous positive self-talk.

  5. Msdedeng says:

    Beautiful smile and I love how you love yourself, it shines through. Good job ma’am!

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you so much!!!

  6. -Eugenia says:

    You shine, Jackie! It’s good to connect with you and thank you for following Eugi’s Causerie I.

  7. darellphilip says:

    Thanks for following my blog! 😀🙏💛👊🎉

  8. kioratash says:

    Your beauty vibrates. You speak to me.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you!!

  9. GlendaLubuto says:

    This is deep 🥺❤️

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you so much!

  10. PoojaG says:

    You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes negative feelings can be very overwhelming but just know that there is a lot of positive out there too.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for saying this.🧡🧡

      1. PoojaG says:

        You’re welcome!

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