Jackie’s A to Z
Hello Wild Ones ❤️,
I hope you are well and doing great things. I hope that life is being kind to you. I hope you have the courage to turn the lemons in your life into lemonade. I am filled with peace, joy and fulfillment. I have been really productive today. I am so proud of myself. Let’s get to it!!
Today’s Commercial Break
My name is Jackline Wanjira Njagi and I have been jilted. My body likes to hold memories. If I pass through a place where something significant happened to me, my body quivers a little. My existence shakes a little. I will name every person who has failed me when I expected them to show up. I have a list of everyone who bailed on me when I needed them most. People I forgot that they were humans when I labeled them safety and home. Oooh, the subconscious behavior of turning people into tools that fit our needs. I burdened these humans with responsibility of making me happy. I even had scripts that I expected some to follow. ‘You are supposed to love me’ ‘You are supposed to fix me’ You are supposed to care’ You are supposed’ You are supposed’ Some even begged to be made into these tools. ‘I wanna fix you’ I wanna help you’ But they were only humans. Some never even attempted to show up. Others tried but got tired then dropped me. Others never seemed to the job right.
I have learned to offer my resentment is smaller proportions to those who never tried. I am learning to stop analyzing the ones that left ‘their’ job half done. I now know how to stop those who don’t know how to the job. Of all these people I am only bitter at one person. This person was supposed to stand by me no matter what. This person should have known how to fix me because they knew me very well. This person was supposed to protect me, love me, choose me. This person failed me. This person is the reason that I am jilted. This person puts everyone else who left me to shame in their ability to hurt and disappointment. This person really broke me. This person is me.
I left myself when I need myself most. I jilted myself. I let myself go and now that I know the transgressions that I have committed against myself. I can move past this. I can learn to be there for myself again. You see sometimes its so easy to forget yourself especially when everything around feels bigger than yourself. When everything is moving so fast, you chase it and forget to come for yourself. But the good news is that when you realize you can always come back to yourself. Even when you run away from yourself for too long, you will always have a home to come back. It’s never too late to pack your bags and come home to yourself. So come home!!!!
In other news, what am I wearing,
- A turban made from two blue and peach scarves
- Blue jeans
- Blue shirts
- Wooden African map earrings
- My Nose ring
- My anklet
- Maasai sandals
- My red lipstick
With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie