Hello Wild Ones 😘,
I hope you are well and doing great things. I am currently full of innate joy and peace. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, Pulse Check, the past few weeks have been difficult. I also realized how much I had neglected myself and there was so much I didn’t know about myself or even how to love myself. I always saw myself through someone’s eyes like would they like this about me? Do they like this dress? Am I cute enough for them? It was subconscious but it really messed me when I had no one but myself to turn to for affirmation. The truth is I barely know how I look like in my eyes, I mean I know about my brown eyes and pink lips but other than that I don’t know who I am. All I know is what people have told me about me. I don’t even know what too much looks like to me. At first I wanted to dissect small parts of me and then come up with an answer but then my therapist told me about a cake and its ingredients and how you once it’s baked you can’t pick out where the egg or sugar is. It’s the same with people you can’t pick out their pieces to define them, they come as a package. So now I am on a journey to discover myself and what I am made of. I wanna know myself so well that I can recognize myself in darkness. This way I will never make the mistake of failing to recognize my own feelings and limitations which was what drove me off the edge. I was in pain but I didn’t see it. I have been really miserable but still chose not to see it. I was way past my limitations but I kept going. I want to make sure I never feel this disappointed at myself. So for the next month all you will see are posts about me or related to me. I hope you enjoy and learn something from my journey. This will include poems and blogs so may be there’s something for you.
I will also be inserting pictures of myself in the blogs because I barely take pictures of myself and I am also extra insecure about my body. These pictures below have are a great example of most things I hate about my body from my boobs, my food baby, my hips, and my feet. And no, this is not a call for affirmation😹😹😹 so please don’t feel the need to reassure me, it just makes it really weird and uncomfortable especially when it’s a random person talking about my boobs.
In Other News what am I wearing:
- A strapless top with really cute patterns. I bought it because it gave me some hints of bohemian vibes. (I tied it at some point to make a crop top because I love those)
- A blue scarf that I tied into a bow… my afro wouldn’t cooperate gladly it worked out well
- My blue jeans… I just discovered they don’t exactly fit me well
- M waist beads of colors blue, gold, white, and black…… I never remove it and no, it’s not witchcraft
- My anklet of colors white and red… I never remove it too
- Three peyote wrist bands of so many colors. My favorite is the Kenyan flag wrist band with the name “Mark” on it. (Fun fact. I have never had anyone in my life by the name ‘Mark’)
- The shoes are just really cute Maasai sandals that I wore just because I didn’t want to be barefoot.
ps Some of the poses were really practiced and some were just my inner model calling
Also, I think there needs to be an app that offers constructive criticism for pictures and poses, a girl needs good pictures especially a single one!!!
With love and courage,