Jackie’s A to Z

Hello Wild Ones 😘,

I hope you are well and doing great things. I am currently full of innate joy and peace. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, Pulse Check, the past few weeks have been difficult. I also realized how much I had neglected myself and there was so much I didn’t know about myself or even how to love myself. I always saw myself through someone’s eyes like would they like this about me? Do they like this dress? Am I cute enough for them? It was subconscious but it really messed me when I had no one but myself to turn to for affirmation. The truth is I barely know how I look like in my eyes, I mean I know about my brown eyes and pink lips but other than that I don’t know who I am. All I know is what people have told me about me. I don’t even know what too much looks like to me. At first I wanted to dissect small parts of me and then come up with an answer but then my therapist told me about a cake and its ingredients and how you once it’s baked you can’t pick out where the egg or sugar is. It’s the same with people you can’t pick out their pieces to define them, they come as a package. So now I am on a journey to discover myself and what I am made of. I wanna know myself so well that I can recognize myself in darkness. This way I will never make the mistake of failing to recognize my own feelings and limitations which was what drove me off the edge. I was in pain but I didn’t see it. I have been really miserable but still chose not to see it. I was way past my limitations but I kept going. I want to make sure I never feel this disappointed at myself. So for the next month all you will see are posts about me or related to me. I hope you enjoy and learn something from my journey. This will include poems and blogs so may be there’s something for you.

I will also be inserting pictures of myself in the blogs because I barely take pictures of myself and I am also extra insecure about my body. These pictures below have are a great example of most things I hate about my body from my boobs, my food baby, my hips, and my feet. And no, this is not a call for affirmation😹😹😹 so please don’t feel the need to reassure me, it just makes it really weird and uncomfortable especially when it’s a random person talking about my boobs.

In Other News what am I wearing:

  • A strapless top with really cute patterns. I bought it because it gave me some hints of bohemian vibes. (I tied it at some point to make a crop top because I love those)
  • A blue scarf that I tied into a bow… my afro wouldn’t cooperate gladly it worked out well
  • My blue jeans… I just discovered they don’t exactly fit me well
  • M waist beads of colors blue, gold, white, and black…… I never remove it and no, it’s not witchcraft
  • My anklet of colors white and red… I never remove it too
  • Three peyote wrist bands of so many colors. My favorite is the Kenyan flag wrist band with the name “Mark” on it. (Fun fact. I have never had anyone in my life by the name ‘Mark’)
  • The shoes are just really cute Maasai sandals that I wore just because I didn’t want to be barefoot.

ps Some of the poses were really practiced and some were just my inner model calling

Also, I think there needs to be an app that offers constructive criticism for pictures and poses, a girl needs good pictures especially a single one!!!

With love and courage,

Jackie

14 Comments Add yours

  1. KENDI KARIMI says:

    You look lovely in these pictures Jackie.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you!!!!

  2. WordLove says:

    Wow this is just a sensational piece. I like how you reveal things about yourself in your writing… This has always been my struggle, I don’t know how to reveal stuff about me. I always feel vulnerable and I hate vulnerability.

    Something I have learnt over the few years though is, It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story. So at the end of the day, we all have a chance to define ourselves.

    Ps: I know you said we shouldn’t give affirmative comments but for what its worth I think you look beautiful from those pictures.

    ION: I realized I just typed a whole paragraph 😂😂

    1. jackie says:

      There’s beauty in vulnerability. You stop feeling the need to hold to stuff and just live!!!

      Thank you for engaging with my content!!!

  3. judeitakali says:

    Looks like you had alot of fun, some really smile inducing poses👌🏾

    1. jackie says:

      Yes, I had a lot of fun!!!

  4. Resh says:

    This is not an affirmation: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you so much!!!

  5. Beaton says:

    Read your articles from front to back and had to get the the start to understand.
    I do now.
    Here’s to self discovery
    ~B

    1. jackie says:

      EiiiiY!!! Thank you for reading and engaging with the content!!

      1. Beaton says:

        You are welcome Jackie
        ~B

  6. GlendaLubuto says:

    Might steal some of these poses lol😅😅 nice pictures❤️
    And all the best on your journey of self discovery 🤗

    1. jackie says:

      Eiiiy!! Please do. Thank you!!

      1. GlendaLubuto says:

        😂I will, definitely!
        You’re welcome ❤️

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