Jackie’s A to Z
Hello Wild Ones,
I hope you are well and doing great. I have been full of peace and grace. The sunshine that I have been seeking to have in my brain has been very bright and never shaking. I have a pool of innate peace that I dip in when I feel sad or lost. I am just grateful for my journey. Let’s get to it!!!
Today’s Commercial Break
I have never been good with endings whether it’s happy or sad. I remember when we moved from my childhood home to another place, I really struggled to let go of that place despite the new place being waaaaay better. I remember feeling like my life was a rehearsal and that one day we would go back to my childhood home and everything will go back to normal. So many years, I am grateful for the change. The experiences in my new home had a big influence on how I turned out. I have carried my bad relationship with endings and change throughout my short life. I remember when I was about to join campus, I used to have these intense headaches and nosebleeding just because I was scared of change and venturing out in the world alone. This weird relationship also means that I struggle to let people go whether I lost them through death or our story on this earth just ended. I spin my head off trying to find ways to keep the stories running. When it dawns me that they are not coming back, I usually want the world to stop spinning and let there be a moment of silence to the loss I am going through. I get angry when people seem to move on like nothing happened. I get jealous at their innate peace. This is what I have always felt about endings they are just sad. But after watching one of the best stories of my life met its end, I stand corrected endings are beautiful. Endings are sunsets giving way for the dark starry night just before bringing the beauty of the sunrise. Endings are what makes the moments you had worth it. It’s okay for things to die. There’s beauty in the full stops and goodbyes. I tried to fight the loss, I wasn’t ready to let go. Accepting the end was stepping out in the darkness. I felt lost and I kept looking for ways to go back to the sunset and turn it into midday. If there’s a time that I should call myself crazy, it would be during this time. I came up with the wildest ideas on how I should stop the wheels from spinning. It took me falling apart completely to look up and see the beauty of the stars and how each seemed to be dancing and twinkling for me. As I looked in even deeper, I realized that I also had my own stars which I hadn’t seen until I slipped into the darkness. The sunset was the best thing that could have happened to me. I figured that some of the cracks in me never meant that I was broken but rather an outlet of my light. Endings can hurt but in the end, you will find beauty and you will love it!!!
Well, that’s my daily dose of the ramble. I hope you get something from it and if you don’t just know that you are awesome and dope.
In other news, what am I wearing,
- A Denim Jacket
- My hair with a dip of Shea butter
- My promise rings
- My blue jeans
- Maasai Sandals
- My multicolored chiffon top
- Blue headscarf
- Pink and blue earrings (I made those)
- My peyote bands
With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie