P for Pain- Have you met pain?

Jackie’s A to Z

Hello Wild Ones,

How have you been? I hope that you have found joy and peace and whatever life has to offer. I hope that you have found an anchor to hold you when you feel like you are losing. I am currently dipping in the my pool of joy and grace, reminding myself the beauty of life and trying to sway with the storm. Let’s get to it!!!

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The first time I ever felt emotional pain and named it was probably when I was eight years, when I read the Biblical story of King David and Uriah on my mum’s really pretty Good News Bible. I was heartbroken for Uriah. He had to die because the King wanted his wife. I didn’t understand why God would let that happen to the poor man. Whenever I think about this incident, I often remember a tinge of the pain I felt as I sat through class three lessons the next day in school. For some reason, this story made me very sad. I don’t remember when I stopped feeling sad but it stopped. Oddly,it was like I was rehearsing for pain because life started spin at the moment. May be that story woke my empathy and I started noticing sadness and pain. This was a new feeling so foreign and so sharp, I couldn’t ignore it but I really couldn’t do anything about it. After my first encounter with pain, it seemed to come by a lot and I often seemed to just wait for it to go away just like it did the first time. This trick works for a while but putting pins on feelings in your heart makes it heavy and the pins cause a deep cut. It was a ticking time bomb and of course, it eventually blew. My relationship with pain has always been distant. I have always ignored it and waited it to pass. I never admitted the possibility that I a black woman might not have what it takes to deal with pain. See pain like my therapist says is a small stone in your shoe and sometimes you learn to walk and live with it. Sometimes you even enjoy time. It took me to be twelve years and in another country to say hello to pain again and call it by name. I remember this day too. It was four weeks after a tragedy had happened in school and I was in class when it hit me how life had moved on. This huge thing had happened in school but now we were all okay. Except I wasn’t, I wanted the world to shut down. Then it hit I wasn’t alone, pain had come to visit and for the first time in a long time I named it. This would begin a journey towards healing.

The first step to recovery is always admitting you have a problem. It doesn’t stop there but that’s where it begins. The work begins when you look at the scar on your heart and call it a scar not some cute tattoo. The journey is ugly and tough and the destination is beautiful but it will never start till you call it by name. Ignoring it doesn’t make it gone. Don’t wait it your bomb explodes to fix things.

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In other news, what am I wearing

  • My glasses
  • Black and white shirt that can be turned into a croptop
  • My peyote beads
  • Black jeans
  • Maasai sandals
  • My promise rings
  • Black and white earrings (I made those)
  • My waist beads
  • My peach scarf

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Today’s Tip

Pinterest: Positive Mind Thinking

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With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie

15 Comments Add yours

  1. Uriah’s story is really one of the saddest moments in the Bible. I think one of the pains I felt growing up was leaving for boarding school, it was hectic but I overcame with time.

    1. jackie says:

      I can almost relate to this too. Thank you for reading and engaging

  2. PoojaG says:

    I love your outfit as always!

    Pain is unfortunately a constant part of life but like you said we have to accept it and try out best to heal.

    1. jackie says:

      True!!! Thank you, you are too kind!!1

      1. PoojaG says:

        My pleasure!

  3. kinge says:

    True, we shouldn’t ignore pain. It should be acknowledged and learnt from.. Very profound thoughts and feelings at such a young age.. early bloomer

    1. jackie says:

      True!!! Thank you for reading!!!

  4. Msdedeng says:

    Funny you mention Uriah, very sad indeed, but yet again, the Bible is full of very sad and unfair stories.

    1. jackie says:

      Yes!! Thank you for reading and engaging!!

      1. Msdedeng says:

        I enjoy reading your posts.

        1. jackie says:

          Thank you!!!

  5. judeitakali says:

    Your empathy really bloomed quite early on. It’s quite impressive that you can draw on knowledge from when you were that young

    1. jackie says:

      Yeah it did!!! I think about my childhood a lot that’s how I remember stuff!

  6. Wonani says:

    Wow. This was so good. Healing is tough but necessary.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you!! Yes healling is tough journey!!

I appreciate your opinion!!! Leave a comment!!