Hello Wild Ones 💘💘💘💘💘
I hope you are well and taking really good care of yourself. I hope you know how amazing you are and never let anyone put you down. I am currently full of hope and have a very busy schedule but I am surviving.
Today’s Commercial Break
This series hopes to explore love using different words. I am just going to write what comes to me. I hope you enjoy it and learn something.
Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners — a super-supportive partner or no partner at all. Both members of a marriage deserve a chance to fulfill their potential. Both members of a marriage deserve a chance to fulfill their potential
Avivah Wittenberg-Cox – Harvard Business Review Article
There are always all these quotes taking about building a man and showing up for him in order to allow him to reach his maximum potential. Many ‘Good’ women are trained to see men for their potential then step in to love and support them in to their greatness. Women are shamed for preferring already successful men over the men who are trying to figure themselves out (I have a lot to say about this but that’s not what I am writing about today.) I am writing about the queen who expected to take of her crown so that the man beside her shines. The queen who is expected to serve her king without question about her crown. If the woman is for the man always supporting him and showing up for him, who shows up for the woman?
I was once told that a good woman makes her man look good no matter what. When you go out on a date and he has no money, you hand him the money under the table and let him pay. I remember wondering why this was a big deal; in a good relationship we are a team. It is us against the world, it shouldn’t matter who hands the cashier the money. What should matter is that we see each other as a team and the only opinion that should matter is ours to one another. If this is the case then what is this need to keep showing the world that one person is higher than the other. It is this same notion that stops men from showing up for their women because society expects them to act superior all the time. So when a woman delays at work, a man will get shamed should he decide to cook supper and take care of the kids.
I have been in a position where I was afraid to say my dreams and goals out loud because I was dating someone who would always cut them down and make me feel less about them. The worst part is that I always felt guilty for dreaming bigger and wanting more, I had learnt to treat it as a disease. As if that was not pathetic, I had this checklist of all things I should do to support him better and I spent time trying to empower and challenge him. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 My friend would remark ‘Men will embarrazzz you’ to this.
I watched ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ and there was a scene where one of the rich cousins had to hide her expensive bags and rings from her husband because he didn’t make as much money as her so that his ego didn’t hurt. I don’t know who taught women that it’s their job to dim their light for their men but it happens too much. Some people say that it’s because women always disrespect men when they make more money or are more successful. But I often wonder if it is always that women are disrespectful or is it that men are socially trained to expect to be better than their partners and can’t handle when that’s not the case?
The truth is I cannot put men in a box and decide that they are like this or that. I just know that queens deserve better than being supportive partners. They deserve partners that are not afraid to watch them shine. A partner who makes it easier for them to shine. The ‘support their dreams and build them’ narrative should not be about men only, women have dreams too. Women should not apologize for being awesome and having dreams. If you are a woman and you find yourself always looking for men you want to build; it is likely that you are self-distracting from your own trauma by choosing projects. Consider reading Women who love too much by Robin Norwood. (I will be doing an analysis of this book soon)
If you are a woman, do you have a partner who supports your Queen?
If you are a man, do you support your partner with no fear that they might outshine you?
With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie