Challenging My Self Image

Hello Wild Ones 🌺🌺🌺

I hope you are well and doing great things. My prayer is that you are loving on yourself and taking good of yourself. I am currently full of hope and dreams.

This is some sort of journal entry; I am not sure you will relate or understand.

The first day I went to therapy, my therapist asked me, “Why do you worry if you are a burden yet you have such a heavy load on your shoulders?” When I heard this statement, I thought of a friend who always made me feel guilty for feeling so sad and suicidal because they didn’t know how to deal with it. The friend would later decide that we shouldn’t be friends because I was too depressed for them(they were justified). It was not until I found myself making the silliest jokes and avoiding a conversation that I realized the biggest culprit in shaming myself for my mental health struggles was me.

I don’t know when I decided that I was broken but I recently caught myself saying “The only reason he likes me is that he doesn’t know how broken I am”. Of course, I immediately started whispering to myself that I was worthy of love as I was. But that stuck with me and I began to look at my behavior towards people when I was the topic. It soon became obvious that I have a terrible self-image. I caught myself severally bashing myself.

I realized that I am most afraid of my struggles and what they mean. I am afraid that that’s all people see when they see me. I weaponized my mental health struggles and decided that I wasn’t worthy of love. I offered myself rejection before I was rejected.

Maybe I internalized what my experience with my friend. Maybe I taught him to look at me as broken because that’s what I thought about myself. Either way, this is something that has to change. I don’t know how. Maybe it’s whispering to myself that I am worthy of love until I believe it. Maybe it’s questioning the thought process of why I think I am broken. Maybe I just need to heal then I will have a better self image. May be it’s being conscious of those thoughts. I just know that I can’t go about life thinking I am broken.

How do you challenge your self image? How do you access how you view yourself?

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Today’s Tip

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With looove and Grace,

Jackie

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Doreen says:

    Love and hugs to you❤️.. You are Queen and deserve all love you get and to be loved how you need and want to. Everyday and every encounter is us learning how to rebuild and redesign how we see ourselves and who we are…

    1. jackie says:

      True. Thank you for the sweet words.

  2. Mellie says:

    Thank you for sharing.what a journey its been

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading.

  3. Dragthepen says:

    I appreciate your sharing such a personal experience. I battled with depression for years before I understood that my depression is a direct result of the events of my childhood.. it’s taken me years to walk a straight line. Alone the way I had to make a choice to let go of people who Hindered my progress or just didn’t want to take the time to understand my journey.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for sharing too always helps to know I am not alone.

      1. Dragthepen says:

        ❤️🙏

  4. PoojaG says:

    Thanks for sharing your journey and I found it quite relatable. I used to be like that too and still am sometimes. I have anxiety and depression and I still catch myself feeling like I am not worthy of someones love.

    1. jackie says:

      It’s the worst feeling but it gets better hopefully. Thank you for reading.

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