Hello Wild Ones🌞🌞🌞,
I hope you are well and that you are taking care of yourself. My prayer is that you are loving yourself right. I am currently full of hope and grace.
I recently wrote on the benefits of having boundaries and that got me thinking about writing about how to set boundaries, so here goes.
Let’s start with understanding what boundaries are. A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends. Defining boundaries is a process of determining what behavior you will accept from others and what you will not.
There are different types of boundaries which include:
This is all about personal space, being touched, and also your physical needs. One of my boundaries on this is that I don’t like people touching my hair and can be expressed ‘No, I don’t want you to touch my hair.’
This is all about respecting feelings and energy. One of my boundaries on this is that I never let anyone invalidate my feelings or tell me how I should feel about anything. Emotional Boundaries should also protect your loved ones where only share when you have a bad day only when the listener has the emotional capacity to handle your problems and vice versa. You should never feel obligated to show up for someone when you don’t have the emotional capacity to handle someone else’s problems.
This is all about your priorities and how you choose to allocate time to them. This can be seen in a case like setting aside Sundays for family time.
This is all about consent, privacy, agreement, understanding preferences and desires, and respect. This can be seen in relationships mostly. Always know that no means no. If you are not interested in doing anything sexual with anyone, say no and know that it’s your right to say no even if you are completely naked.
This is all about your thoughts, ideas, and curiosity. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Never let anyone belittle you for having different opinions. Of course, there are opinions that need calling out like chauvinism, racism, xenophobia but always try to do it with love and empathy. Of course, if they can’t understand why that kind of talk isn’t good, you can always cut them off or distance yourself from them.
This has all to do with items and possessions. It is important you know what you want to share and what you do like sharing and how you expect people to treat your stuff. For example; I don’t like sharing my clothes at all (And yes, there is a logical reason for this).
Steps To Creating Boundaries
I did some research and found the best step by step definition on thriveglobal.com (Please take time to go there and read it.)
- Clearly identify your boundary
- Understand why you need this boundary
- Decide what happens if your request is not respected ie always have consequences for your boundaries
- Be Direct
- Don’t apologize
- Start with tighter boundaries (It is always easier to loosen tight boundaries than it is to tighten loose boundaries)
- Address violations early- Don’t wait for the second time they violate a boundary to correct them.
- Trust your gut- If something makes you uncomfortable, create a rule to protect yourself.
A few quotes that give really good messages about boundaries.
With Loooove and Boundaries,