T for Time- The human construct that kills me

Jackie’s A to Z

Hello Wild Ones 😏,

I hope you are well and doing awesome things. (I know! The same basic greeting) I hate it too. I wish I had something more fun! Anyway I have been good and doing waaaay better.

Today I will talk about something I have been struggling with but I try my best to act like it doesn’t bother me. If you ask my mum she will say I am the most rebellious of her kids. She wasn’t surprised when I let her know I was going to pierce my nose; she just nodded and said “As long as it doesn’t kill you and it makes me happy.” If there’s a kid that my mum expects to do things untraditionally, it’s probably me. When we talk about boys and relationships, she always says that she suspects that I will probably end up with a guy with dreadlocks or cornrows or a piercing (which is a little scandalous in my family). This is just to paint the picture of how unconventional I am. I have a bone in my spine that likes to question everything so you can imagine my confusion when time seems to be scaring me.

I recently turned 22 and yes so many people are going to say that that’s very young but I already see my thirties flashing in front of me. I am already worried about the fact that I haven’t moved out. That I am graduating in one year and I don’t have a structure of what kind of job I want after graduation. And I know it’s okay to not have figured stuff out in fact I try not to figure out too much because I tend to put myself in a box. I just sometimes wish I could peek at what life has in store for me.

I am also currently single and I remember when I became single, one of the people I called while crying was my mum. She gave me a whole speech about how young I am and that I have so much to achieve before I settle down. Of course, she also added something about kissing frogs before meeting the “prince” and the whole ‘you are cute as hell forget him’ pep talk. ( My mum can be cool sometimes) I know that my twenties are mine and that once I am married it’s forever but sometimes I worry. I worry that I am too mature to believe in the power of love. I worry that I am too dreamy that I might get swept off my feet by the wrong person. I worry I might never be ready for love. I worry I might pass it. It just feels like stepping into the darkness.

Yeah, I have no pep talk to give to day other than you are awesome!!

In other news what am I wearing

  • A green skirt- the longest I have ever owned and it used to be my mum’s when she was younger
  • my peyote beads- Kenyan flag matches really well
  • white top with flowers
  • my African earrings
  • My peach scarf
  • My red lipstick
  • My love heart nose ring

With love and loove,

Jackie

14 Comments Add yours

  1. And it reminds me to go back to my fingers to count my age. 24 but when I blink I see 40, my joints crack like 60 and my spirit 80. My heart soaks like a toddler at the mention of love and my spirit burns like a teenager. I don’t want to live my 20’s with a confused self….

    1. jackie says:

      I love the way you put it!!! Than you for reading and engaging.

  2. Why do I relate to this!!!😂 I just turned 20 and I’m feeling like it’s all gonna end soon and my mum keeps saying I enjoy a day at a time but I’m worried while enjoying time will flash by me. It’s terrifying but we will crack this.!!! This was a beautiful read

    1. jackie says:

      Yes we will survive!! Thank you for reading and engaging!!

  3. judeitakali says:

    Yeah the unknown is frightening but also exciting

    1. jackie says:

      Yeah I take comfort in that

  4. Why is everyone at WordPress so young 😭😭🙄😝😂

    1. jackie says:

      🤣🤣🤣🤣

      1. 🤣 🤣

  5. I just discovered you the other day But is it okay to say I love you already 😭. I relate in all levels

    1. jackie says:

      Aaaw!!! Thank you!! I am glad you relate

    2. jackie says:

      This means a lot!💞

  6. Beautifully constructed. Time is indeed a powerful construct. Deep, yet so shallow! Dare blink, and everything is over.

    1. jackie says:

      True!! Thank you for reading and commenting❤❤

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