T for Time- The human construct that kills me

Jackie’s A to Z

Hello Wild Ones 😏,

I hope you are well and doing awesome things. (I know! The same basic greeting) I hate it too. I wish I had something more fun! Anyway I have been good and doing waaaay better.

Today I will talk about something I have been struggling with but I try my best to act like it doesn’t bother me. If you ask my mum she will say I am the most rebellious of her kids. She wasn’t surprised when I let her know I was going to pierce my nose; she just nodded and said “As long as it doesn’t kill you and it makes me happy.” If there’s a kid that my mum expects to do things untraditionally, it’s probably me. When we talk about boys and relationships, she always says that she suspects that I will probably end up with a guy with dreadlocks or cornrows or a piercing (which is a little scandalous in my family). This is just to paint the picture of how unconventional I am. I have a bone in my spine that likes to question everything so you can imagine my confusion when time seems to be scaring me.

I recently turned 22 and yes so many people are going to say that that’s very young but I already see my thirties flashing in front of me. I am already worried about the fact that I haven’t moved out. That I am graduating in one year and I don’t have a structure of what kind of job I want after graduation. And I know it’s okay to not have figured stuff out in fact I try not to figure out too much because I tend to put myself in a box. I just sometimes wish I could peek at what life has in store for me.

I am also currently single and I remember when I became single, one of the people I called while crying was my mum. She gave me a whole speech about how young I am and that I have so much to achieve before I settle down. Of course, she also added something about kissing frogs before meeting the “prince” and the whole ‘you are cute as hell forget him’ pep talk. ( My mum can be cool sometimes) I know that my twenties are mine and that once I am married it’s forever but sometimes I worry. I worry that I am too mature to believe in the power of love. I worry that I am too dreamy that I might get swept off my feet by the wrong person. I worry I might never be ready for love. I worry I might pass it. It just feels like stepping into the darkness.

Yeah, I have no pep talk to give to day other than you are awesome!!

In other news what am I wearing

  • A green skirt- the longest I have ever owned and it used to be my mum’s when she was younger
  • my peyote beads- Kenyan flag matches really well
  • white top with flowers
  • my African earrings
  • My peach scarf
  • My red lipstick
  • My love heart nose ring

With love and loove,


14 Comments Add yours

  1. And it reminds me to go back to my fingers to count my age. 24 but when I blink I see 40, my joints crack like 60 and my spirit 80. My heart soaks like a toddler at the mention of love and my spirit burns like a teenager. I don’t want to live my 20’s with a confused self….

    1. jackie says:

      I love the way you put it!!! Than you for reading and engaging.

  2. Why do I relate to this!!!😂 I just turned 20 and I’m feeling like it’s all gonna end soon and my mum keeps saying I enjoy a day at a time but I’m worried while enjoying time will flash by me. It’s terrifying but we will crack this.!!! This was a beautiful read

    1. jackie says:

      Yes we will survive!! Thank you for reading and engaging!!

  3. judeitakali says:

    Yeah the unknown is frightening but also exciting

    1. jackie says:

      Yeah I take comfort in that

  4. Why is everyone at WordPress so young 😭😭🙄😝😂

    1. jackie says:


      1. 🤣 🤣

  5. I just discovered you the other day But is it okay to say I love you already 😭. I relate in all levels

    1. jackie says:

      Aaaw!!! Thank you!! I am glad you relate

    2. jackie says:

      This means a lot!💞

  6. Beautifully constructed. Time is indeed a powerful construct. Deep, yet so shallow! Dare blink, and everything is over.

    1. jackie says:

      True!! Thank you for reading and commenting❤❤

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