Welcome to my ramble.
I will never forget how heavily I was breathing, my heartbeat fast while I read the texts. I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming, I wasn’t. My chest felt blocked, and my brain felt blank. He was sleeping next to me, looking so peaceful and innocent. There had to be a mistake. There had to be an error. This angel face couldn’t be the one cheating on me emotionally. No!!! I begged him not to talk like this with this girl!! So why are they talking about meeting up? I had sex with him regularly. So why is he talking about having sex with her? I stared at him so more and wondered if I should shake him awake so that he could explain why he had been talking to her. Why her? Didn’t he remember that she made me insecure? She has the kind of body I want to have. I had taken the courage to admit to him that I sometimes look at my body and hate it, and he just had to go and betray me like this.
How am I going to wake him up? I need to know. Maybe I should let him sleep, but does a man who cheats on me deserve enough sleep? Perhaps I should pour cold water on him (Insert devil emoji), but I don’t want to be labeled crazy ex-girlfriend. Maybe I should leave before he wakes up, but I need to know why he did this to me. Perhaps I should pretend I didn’t see it, but my chest aches so much. I want to cry, but I can’t seem to summon the tears. At this point, I am flashing back to when my mother said that I should wait till I finish school to fall in love. Maybe if I had listened, I wouldn’t feel so shitty.
Oh, wait, he is moving!!!! He is awake. Oh goodness!! He is awake. My chest starts heaving again, and I know no matter what, I need to have this conversation.
With love and fiction