LOOKING AT ‘THE DEFINING DECADE BY MEG JAY’
Hello Wild Ones 🧡🧡🧡
I hope you are well and taking really good care of yourself. I hope you know how amazing you are and never let anyone put you down. I am currently full of hope and have a very busy schedule but I am surviving.
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I will be analyzing this book while putting some of my own story in it. I hope you learn something from it. Please check the book below. I would appreciate it if you read it and share your understanding too. Please read other blogs on the analysis of ‘The Defining Decade‘ here.
The Unthought Known
The search of youth is not for all-permissibility, but rather for new waysErik Erikson, psychoanalyst
of directly facing up to what truly counts.
When we make choices, we open ourselves up to hard work and failure and heartbreak, so sometimes it feels easier not to know, not to choose, and not to do.Meg Jay
When I was younger, I always knew that I wanted to be an author and lawyer. I even painted this book and started writing stories in it. Then I discovered that lawyers don’t get employed easily, and I changed to a cardiologist because I enjoyed biology and the heart mesmerized me. Later got into the physics class, and I enjoyed doing the practicals. I was in love with the topic of electromagnetic energy; I loved knowing how things really work. This passion led me to develop a science project about a car that produced energy using electromagnetic energy, and I decided that I wanted to be a mechanical engineer. Sadly, I was always an inconsistent student when it came to my grades, and on the final exam, I failed horribly. At the moment, it was the worst thing, but I am now delighted with this. It would force me to go back to the drawing board, and I chose what I was really passionate about without thinking about what would impress others.
I remember feeling like I had all these options to choose from when I was choosing what I wanted to do. I felt that I was limitless that I could be anything and while these are beautiful thoughts. The truth is that I am not limitless and I cannot be anything. I have experience, interests, strengths, weaknesses, diplomas, hang-ups, and priorities. I can be great in only what, I am, know, love, and care about. I am not saying that I can’t be great, I am just saying that my greatness is not vague.
Meg Jay in ‘The Defining Decade‘ delves into the phase we all go through as twentysomethings where we feel like we have so many options in life. We are sent out into the world with beautiful words like, ‘Follow your dreams, Reach for the stars.’ These words do nothing but make us feel limitless but don’t take us in any direction. We are afraid to choose because we are afraid of feeling limited and also failing at the choice that we make, but this doesn’t make not choosing easier. According to a study by Sheena Iyengar, she displayed a variety of Jams on different days; one day only 6 varieties and the other day 24 varieties. On the day with 6 varieties, 30% of the people bought jam, while on the day 24 varieties, only 3% of the people bought jam. People often choose when they have lesser choices. The belief that we are limitless cripples us from choosing our paths because we have too much to choose from.
The paradox is that we are not limitless but we are limitless; we cannot be anything but we can be anything. Confusing right? Let me explain. You can only be what you are passionate about, interest in, skilled in, and care about as a cause. In the lists of your ‘PICS’ (Passions, Interest, Skills, Cause) is a limitless river of things you can be and can chase. You just need to allow yourself to choose so that you can start somewhere. Choosing is scary and full of uncertainty but it will get you there as long as you always analyze your PICS and readjust what you want. A good place to start would be looking at this document.
Another truth is that we already know what we want to be. This is called the Unthought Known. According to psychoanalyst Christopher Bollas, Unthought knowns are those things we know about ourselves but forget
somehow. These are the dreams we have lost sight of or the truths we sense
but don’t say out loud. We all have that one dream that we have learned to not talk about because we are afraid of how we will look like. Most of the things we want to do go against what society has defined for us so we fear saying it. I wanted to be an author and a lawyer and society made me feel that I wouldn’t be able to make money from it and now about fifteen years later, I have come to admit that I still want to be an author and a lawyer. I hope you find the courage to admit your unthought known and work towards it.
I didn’t do Meg Jay’s book justice with this short analysis of the first chapter, please do buy and read the book here.
What is your unthought known?
With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie