What if what you are holding on to is holding you back?
Hello Wild Ones, (Slow confetti as we learn about Victim Mentality)
I hope you are well. You are such a beautiful ray of sunshine💝💝💝 keep shining. Never let anyone dim your light because you are awesome and deserving. I am currently full of hope and grace. I take each day at a time.
Today’s Commercial Break
‘The victim mentality will have you dancing with the devil, then complaining that you are in hell.’Steve Maraboli
I picked this topic from the internet, and I really didn’t know what I would write about. So I had a little chat with myself, ‘Baby Girl, what are you holding on to?’ (I legit call myself Baby Girl) After a lot of thinking, I came up with one thing, ‘I am holding on to the idea that I am a victim. Life just happens to me. People just do these things to me, good and bad. I go through life getting the experience like I am a pawn in a chess game. Always the receiver, I am never the doer. I have a serious victim mentality😪😪. Yet to take back the power that was taken from me. I hold on to all these things that happened to me and let them define me.
Some boy I rejected said that I cannot choose and love men right because I never really had a dad who loved me right😂😂😂😂 (Y’all be out here bitter, but my clown ass had some very hurtful replies for this too🤡🤡). I am yet to stop defining myself as the girl whose dad died. That’s why some clown boy with his own issues got to me when he said this. To show even further that when shit happens to me, I don’t let go, I am still talking about this clown who felt so entitled to me and my time that when I failed to give it to him, he resulted in insults.
Just Over sharer’s Bean Spill
My name is Jackline Wanjira Njagi, and I am a victim. I am such a victim mentality that when I fell hard in love with this sweet boy with the presence of a king and the face of a model (Guys pray I marry him so that I can finally show you his picture because baby girl will not risk embarrassMENt). Then I got frustrated that he made me fall in love with him😂😂 (Dramatic much but valid fear). I refused to see every step that I took toward growing in love with somebody’s son😂😂.
It is the kind of love that makes me just want to be better. The kind that makes me smile alone and brings sunshine in my head. The kind that teaches me patience and selflessness. The type that makes me love myself more. It is beautiful, though not perfect. This love brings to light the things I hate about myself and those moments I am a victim of love. Look at me taking another word to define me while on a journey to let go of defining🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️ urrrg baby girl! (I cringed so hard when I read these months later but I am gonna keep it because I will need evidence for my clownery 🤣🤣🤣🤣)
What is victim mentality?
This is the belief that the world is out get you. You refuse to take any responsibility for yourself or your life. Everyone’s negative actions always become an attack on you. Victim Mentality has perks.
- You have a pity party ready to throw confetti in the air every time you feel things are not going your way. This attention and validation feel good. I personally love to rant about my problems everywhere, and when you are a good storyteller like me, it is easy to have everyone on your side.
- You are always right, and who doesn’t like to be right!! I know I do! Jackie is the queen of being right, and I have a legend, and Dang!! Doesn’t it feel good!
- You don’t take responsibility, and who likes it? I, Jackie, Responsibility for who?
- You don’t feel the need to take risks, and aren’t those the worst? We like to keep safe around here.🤣🤣🤣
What are the signs that you have victim mentality?
- You enjoy catastrophizing your problems- The world is always ending in your corner. Especially now, with social media, it is so easy to have world-ending all the time. Are you the friend that is always going on Instagram life or on their status after every single inconvenience? I can be such a drama queen sometimes. When something bad happens, I start to plan out my disaster in my very imaginative brain.
- You feel and act powerless– You are the damsel/mister in distress. Sometimes You believe that there is no hope for you after every inconvenience. Waiting for someone to come and save you. Sometimes when I am really sad, I just want someone to save me from myself, and it can be really easy to expect that from my friends.
- You think the world is out to get you- Every inconvenience that there is a conspiracy against you. Sometimes it can feel like this for me, especially when tragedy refuses singly.
- Talk yourself down– You are always the first person to discourage yourself even before anyone speaks. You walk in offended, waiting for the offense to come. It is always that little evil voice sometimes saying I am not good enough and not worthy.
How do you let go of your victim mentality?
- Identify and challenge limiting Beliefs- I have this thing where I believe that I am probably a terrible romantic partner because I am ‘fatherless.’ I took up this victim flag and put it on me. Let others use it to make me the girl vulnerable to toxic relationships because she has daddy issues. I began to challenge this thought, and I realized that I know what toxic relationships look like, I know what I deserve, I know better than to stick around in spaces that make me lesser, so this is not my portion at all.
- Take Responsibility– It is easy to blame circumstances and people when things go south, but there is power in seeing yourself as a person with will and autonomy even when you are in the wrong. You can rise and do better and be better. Sometimes it is not your fault things happen eg when you get depressed, but know that the responsibility to fix you is yours. I had to learn this the hard way,
- Adopt an attitude of gratitude– Always say thank you. It will take you a long way instead of complaining all the time. I am still learning this skill.
- Think Positive– Choose to believe that you are better and awesome even when you don’t feel like it. Have better thoughts for yourself and the world around you. I choose to believe that I will be fine at the end of the day no matter what happens.
- Forgive– Allow your heart to let go of all that shit!! I know it’s hard but holding on is only hurting you. I am learning to be more forgiving.
- Give value– There’s more happiness in giving than in receiving. I always feel better when I spread love and value because some of the love bounces back. Even better, since I can’t pour from an empty vessel, I always show up for myself before I show for others; this way, I am always full.
Do you struggle with victim mentality? How do you cope?
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With Loooooooove and light,
Jackie (Healing from Victim Mentality)