What If I could change one thing about myself

What If Series

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I hope you know that you are beautiful and amazing. I hope

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What If Series

I will share the most random what if that come to my head.

What If I could change one thing about myself

When I was younger, I loved listening to stories with lessons. Maybe that’s why I wound being a writer. I remember this story of a couple who was asked to come up with a list of things they hoped the other would change. The wife gladly took the papers and wrote as many points as possible, while the husband just wrote one thing and waited. When the time came for them to interchange the papers, the husband found that the wife had written a long list of complaints while he had just written one statement, ‘I love you the way you are.’ The moral of the story was that we should love each other the way that we are. As a kid, the statement made sense to me, but now that I am older, the idea of unconditional love is a little far from me. I hadn’t even thought about this until I realized that I also loved myself conditionally where there were parts of myself that I chose not to love and ostracized. I now cringe at the things I used to say about myself, like there was a time I said that I was too broken to be loved😂😂😂😂😂. Can you believe it? Like I, Jackie, the most lovable human I know, according to statistics of Jackie, declared herself unworthy of love. I would love to blame the toxic relationship that I was in that had stripped me of all my self-esteem, but I was to blame for those dumb words. The truth is that when you have conditional love for yourself, you are likely to stay in an abusive relationship because you believe that no one will love you as you are.

I just remembered something that someone I used to date used once said to me😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 , and I cannot believe that I, Jackie, a whole damn Queen (Crowned by Royalty Me), tolerated that nonsense. He was talking about some girl he liked, then said that he chose not to date her because even she could be crazy like me, so it’s better to stick around the crazy he is used to🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚 (It was not in a playful conversation). Can you believe that I just sat there and nodded like someone’s son hadn’t just called me crazy and regarded me as a problem he had to contain? Can you believe I let him make me feel like he was settling for me and still stuck in that relationship? Well, If you don’t believe me, please do. In fact, I was glad that he had chosen to love me like that😂😂😂😂. I am also very shocked at myself. Now that I have grown to love all my parts and give myself grace for where I am not perfect, I keep looking back, and I can’t believe that I let someone walk me all over like that. Every day I have to learn to forgive myself for not showing up for myself.

If I could change anything about myself, it would be nothing. I am not saying that I am perfect. I am saying that I am perfectly imperfect. I am saying that I am in love with myself as I am. I think that I am the baddest bitch that I know, and no one can tell me otherwise. If no one will love me in all my imperfection, someone has to be there with me, so I stay there. I have been reading ‘The Completion Process’ by Teal Swan, and I can’t stop thinking about her theory that the reason we are often so ‘lost’ is that we have long rejected certain parts of ourselves that the world taught us to reject.  She discusses how the fact that we have rejected ourselves makes it hard to connect with ourselves when these parts show up in our daily lives. For example, if, as a child, you were made to feel bad when you cry, you are likely to ‘hate’ yourself for crying now. No one was with you during a normal feeling and reaction, so you got that the norm is to hate that feeling, reaction, and yourself for feeling like that. I hope that you find the courage to love those parts of you that you rejected and forgot.


What would you change about yourself?


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With Loooooove and Sunshine 💖🌞💖🌞, Jackie

8 Comments Add yours

  1. DAP says:

    Patience …….. at times, I wish I had more patience. <3

    1. jackie says:

      That’s a good one. Gladly it can be learnt. Thank you for reading and commenting❤❤❤

  2. Jadwong says:

    Seeing as “life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.”, I wouldn’t change anything. Wanting to change who I am is a way of telling God, who in His wisdom chose to create me like this, that He could have done better. That I know better than Him.

    I can relate when you say you thought you were too broken to be loved. I used to think and convince myself that I was too broken even for God to mend me. I have and sometimes catch myself believing that I am not good enough to be loved – read being in a romantic relationship with. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ But there is more to love than being in a romantic relationship.

    True, there are parts of myself that I have for long rejected and hated but I am learning that loving myself means embracing ALL that there is to me. Like in the movie Inside Out, with Sadness, I don’t have to look at my rejected and hidden as bad.

    I am loving the self-love and affirmation that you have displayed in your writing. I aspire to reach and transcend that level.

    1. jackie says:

      “life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” I loooove this. I am going to shine for people on Whatsapp status with this. I love the inside out example gave me an idea about review movies on my blog but we will see. I always look out for your comments. They add so much to the conversation. Thank you for reading and commenting💖💖💖💖

      1. Jadwong says:

        Speaking of movie reviews, I had to rewatch Inside Out and Soul, as part of my research, to help me with the piece I am writing about getting to know and love ALL of me.

        I have not be able to publish the pieces, because they are not yet ready and keep mutating. Keep lurking around, one of these days you will find something.

        Thanks for the awesome pieces. I believe I have gotten fond of them (and you) and I always eagerly waiting for your pieces and insight. 👏👏👏🙌

        1. jackie says:

          I can’t wait for the posts. Thank you for the kind words and your insight too.

  3. I congratulate you to your insight, for most people it takes a lifetime to get there, or never!

    1. jackie says:

      Sadly so. Thank you for reading and engaging.

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