Jackie’s A to Z
Hello Wild Ones 💕,
I hope you are well and doing awesome. I am full of peace and a little anxious. This challenge is coming to an end and it has brought me so much love and peace and I am scared that I will fall into a pit once I am done but the beauty of life is the unexpected. My friend told me something that stuck with me; right now the world is at my feet and I feel the need to grab at everything so that when I am thirty, I will have enough of the world in my hands to show for my twenties. He advised that I take each day at a time, trusting the process which is what I am trying to do and what I wishing that most of you will do. Take each day at time and trust the process.
When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on literally every musician but one that had me reimagining his music video storylines to suit a love story would be Luke Bryan (He is yummy cute, I linked his Wikipedia page). In one of his songs, “Drunk on You” he praises his muse and says that if she ain’t a 10, she is a 9.9. This is was probably the Best part of this song. I love that line so much that I kept using it as a quote everywhere. I said it a lot but I don’t think I ever really believed the words. I was waiting for a Prince Charming to come and say them and then I would believe. All my life I have been waiting for someone to show up to make me worthy. Even as a kid, I subconsciously kept waiting for my deceased father to show up. I never told anyone that my father had died; I used to lie that he was working abroad. When I got new shoes, I used to make up a story about how my dad surprised me with the shoes. When it wasn’t my dad, it was my paternal family, it was my grades, it was friends, it was my university experience, it was my ex-boyfriends. I just wanted to be saved from this pain and emptiness that I don’t remember where I got it from but for as long as I can remember myself, I just had it. I was drowning and I kept refusing to learn to swim because what kind of hero story is that? I had to be saved by someone. It just had to happen. But life doesn’t give you what you want. Eventually, I had to learn the hard way that the only person who could make me feel like a ten was me. My happiness had to come from within. I had to be my knight in shining armor and this is no feminism talk. This is about me being my own friend. Me actually showing up for myself without feeling selfish. It’s like asking yourself to come out of your own body and hug yourself. It’s the best feeling to look at yourself and say that you are awesome and actually believe it. It’s powerful to look at your own body and be like “I would hit that”. It’s liberating to wake up and think that it’s a good day to be me!!! I am so grateful for my journey towards ten and I just wish everyone this kind of joy and peace that I feel at this moment. This moment doesn’t last forever but its effect keeps you afloat when the love handles seem to make you feel less. This is the kind of peace that I hope you will get.
Also please feel free to listen to the song I have been dedicating to myself. Astrid S- Favorite Part of me
In other news what am I wearing
- A black and white choker (I made it)
- My peyote beads
- My peach headscarf
- My confidence and self love
- My 4c hair with a load of shea butter
- My anklet
With looove and Self love,