You are not okay: 6 signs to prove it

What if you are not Okay

Hello Wild Ones💝💝💝💝 (Insert slow confetti as we dive into flags that indicate you are not okay when you are not)

I hope you are doing well, my amazing humans. My hope is that you realize that you are a gem. You deserve the best things in life, Periodtt!!! I am currently doing to be my best by showing up for myself and loving myself better. Today I will be exploring signs that you are not okay but first a commercial break.

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Sometimes dark days creep on us in ways that we cannot foresee. Other times we can’t even admit to ourselves that we are not okay because ‘bad’ feelings are just bad. Sometimes we don’t even know how to self-soothe ourselves. There is a cliché line running the social media streets these days, saying that it is okay not to be okay. Sometimes there is so much in your life; you don’t even notice that you are no longer happy as you were. Then one day, it just dawns on you, but this time there is no sunshine, just a cloud slowing engulfing you. Weellll (Insert an English Accent) ‘On someday the previous week cutest baby girl (Me) had to admit that she was not okay.’

The thing about admitting that I was going through something meant two things for me. One, I am human, and you think from all the many blogs I have posted here that I would have known this. But no, baby girl first felt disappointed that she was feeling this bad. Did it mean that all the effort she had put was all in vain? Will this darkness always creep? Is she a failure? Then I realized that the first time this happened, I couldn’t even tell that I wasn’t okay, so then I guess I am doing better in that department.

Two, I have to figure out what is causing this sadness and how I deal with it. This part is not fun at all. Taking ownership of your mental health can feel unfair when the pain isn’t your fault. In my reflections, I found certain ways to identify when I am not okay and I am resisting that I am sad or low.

Your Sleeping Routine could signal you are not okay

When you are not okay, your sleeping routine will likely change. You could either sleep more than you usually do, or you struggle with sleep a lot. Keep track of your sleeping patterns and always question when something seems a miss. In the era of social media, it could be a bit blurry because you keep yourself busy with Netflix or Instagram but learn to ask yourself these questions. Why am I staying up that late? What is the reason I sleep so many hours? Why do I struggle with sleep? Being self-aware about your sleeping habit will help you to determine when something is wrong.

If I find myself suddenly switching up my sleeping routine, I am probably not okay. I am generally a morning person. When I was really depressed; I was mostly a night owl. Where I would sleep at 3 am to wake up at around 1 pm. I have also heard people who have struggled with their mental health also say this. So maybe if your sleeping routine suddenly changes, you should consider the reasons why this is the case.

Your Sleeping Routine could signal you are not okay
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Unproductivity as a flag for you are not okay

Another way to know that you are not okay is through your productivity. If you find that you are procrastinating a lot or that you can’t seem to concentrate, then likely there is something going on. One of the key reasons for procrastinating, despite popular belief about laziness, is actually fear of failure and the feeling that you are not equipped. Sometimes you want to get some work done but can’t seem to find the will to start at all.

When I am struggling, my school work falls victim. I find myself struggling to beat deadlines. Considering that I am a Type-A student, this is always a red flag when I find that I haven’t done my work on time. I remember last year when I was really depressed; I wrote this article about how I was struggling with my productivity. It was so bad that I didn’t care about grades. I knew that waiting at the last minute to do the assignments just meant I didn’t do my best, but I couldn’t muster the motivation and desire to do it. This has been seen to the same for certain students who struggle with mental health.

Change of appetite could be because you are not okay

If you are not okay, your appetite is likely to change. You are likely to either lose your appetite or experience an increase in your appetite. You will need to be self-aware about your portions so that when the shit happens, you will be able to notice. Some people use food to self-soothe; that’s why their appetite increases when they are struggling.

I always crave baked goods when I am really sad. I remember when I was really struggling with mourning the loss of a friend, and I was always buying samosas. My friends would always joke about how small people love eating, but later, I figured that I had only started the Samosa obsession after losing my friend. Samosas are still my number one comfort food even now. I was never soothed with food as a kid, so I am not sure where the binge eating came from. Maybe it’s because we would only eat baked goods on special occasions as kids, so now my brain is seeking to feel special, so I don’t really crave the goods; I just crave the feeling of special occasions. Who knows?

Change in behavior could be a cry for help

Your behavior might change when you are struggling with something. This can be hard to identify on your own. If someone tells you that you are a bit off, take time to assess if they are right. Sometimes it is usually nothing, especially when you are growing and the other person isn’t. Other times they might be right, and they are the intervention you need to get the help and support you need. You can also discover your behavior change based on your interactions with your hobbies. Some people tend to stop enjoying their hobbies when they are not okay.

As seen in the cricket silence on this corner of the blog the past weeks, I struggled to pick myself up and write. I kept finding excuses not to do it, and even starting this was a struggle. But I am glad that I am here—Yeiy for me. I always struggle with my hobbies when I am not okay. It is like I get into this space and I decide that I don’t deserve to be happy and enjoy myself.

Social Functioning could show that you are not okay

When you’re not okay, how you interact with friends might change too. You might find that you are pushing people away. Pushing people away is often you finding the smallest reasons to cut people off. You are irritable and waiting on anyone to piss you off. If you find that you are losing friends at a high rate, take time to assess what is going on with you. This is sometimes just you evolving, but sometimes it is a sign that you are not okay.  It is okay to take time to yourself when you are struggling; just make sure that you are not burning bridges while at it.

When I am not okay, I tend to project my issues on people. As I become more self-aware, I can recognize this terrible trait. I also take on the victim mentality more, and everyone just seems to be doing me wrong. During this time, I make everyone’s life hell or make lots of mental notes of things I don’t like about people. I am very petty during this season, too but thank God I am an introvert, so I barely have to deal with that many people.

Your Thoughts can show you that you are not okay

Sometimes when we are not okay, we have the most stray thoughts. In this context, stray thoughts are thoughts that you have no idea where they came from, and you often shame yourself for them. Some straying thoughts are usually suicidal ideation. I remember when I was really struggling; I heard someone had died, and my first thought was to wish that it was me then I quickly felt ashamed I had said it. This was a stray thought that I still think about and I wish I had known was a cry for help. Other times we have so much on our minds, and we pass it as being too busy. Then we go on to add more and more work to ourselves to prevent us from feeling. Other times, we feel like there is some sort of emptiness in our brain. Then we go on to look for ways to feel.

It is clear from these examples that the best person to determine if you are not okay is yourself. You know yourself best. Knowing and validating that you are not okay is the first step to getting the help that you need. It is not easy to admit that you are not okay because you could feel like you have failed yourself or that you are less. Despite this, strive to show up for yourself and love yourself at your lowest because you are the only one who can fix what is going on with you. I hope you find the courage to show up for yourself. There are a lot of resources to help you through this journey such as Apps like Welltrack and Youper and Platforms like Better Help and Befrienders. You can also use some of these signs to tell when someone is not okay.


How do you know that you are not okay?


Today’s Tip

For Further information on Trauma Blocking, check out this article by The Gottman Institute.


With looooooove and light🌞🌞


34 Comments Add yours

  1. ashok says:

    And why was this sweet and wild baby girl not feeling ok 😊🤗

    Keep smiling and shining your light Jackie 💖

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading. Just pressure from school and early post graduate anxiety but I am handling it.

      Keep shining too❤❤❤

      1. ashok says:

        Proud of you Jackie 😊💖

        1. jackie says:

          Thank you❤❤

          1. ashok says:

            My pleasure 💖🤗

  2. Joana says:

    I struggled with all 6 signs, back in college I barely slept, I overthink a lot, went through a phase of not eating and overeating, I procrastinate a LOT, I get irritated very easily, and I tend to isolate myself and not socialize at all. Yes, you are right we ourselves are the first ones to identify if we are okay or not, and sometimes we try to pretend we are okay when we’re not because of the stigma surrounding mental health. The first step to getting better is admitting that we are not okay. So, these little signs that we tend to ignore is very important that we should address.

    1. jackie says:

      True, we should never ignore these signs. College is really rough almost everyone struggles in those years.

      Thank you for reading💝

  3. Melancholica, melancholica,
    my faithful mistress,
    I am longing for you in your absents
    and despair when you are there.

    I guess you are not the only one who is momentarily negatively affected by the alliance of the planets? My mind has been floating through dark clouds for the last three weeks. So I emphasise with you.

    1. jackie says:

      I hope you find light💝💝💝

  4. Stacy says:

    Thank you for sharing this personal piece. It really resonated with me.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading💝💝

  5. vaniheart says:

    Ohhhhh god !!! All the things you mentioned above is happening with me for so long , the deep corner of my heart knows that I am not OK but I always try to suppress it by terming it as my laziness…
    Thanks for writing this, somehow made me feel better💖💖

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad that it made you feel better. I hope you find the light and come out the other side bettere.💝💝

  6. Nova says:

    These are definitely signs to take note. I hope everyone fighting this depression will reach out for help.

    1. jackie says:

      True. I hope they do too. Thank you for reading💝💝

  7. Thank you for sharing this, I’ve experienced all of these signs are one point or another and you got it right! It’s also much easier to see these signs in someone else instead of yourself, and I think that’s the main challenge for me. At the very least, noticing these signs is a good way to start a conversation.

    1. jackie says:

      True, noticing the signs is start of a conversation that is often much needed.

      Thank you for reading and commenting💝💝💝

  8. Silver says:

    These are all signs I have experienced at points in my life. I think for me as well, I know I am not ok if I feel detached and almost like I am disassociating from what’s going on around me.

    1. jackie says:

      I am glad you could resonate. Thank for reading and commenting❤❤❤

  9. Jadwong says:

    First of all, I am glad that the cricket silence is broken and proud of you for the hard work you have put in and keep putting in.

    I am pretty much like you.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you for reading and the kind words💝💝💝

  10. J K O Roume says:

    Very useful. The best part of a motivation is identifying your struggles in the other person.

    1. jackie says:

      True. That’s a really good point. Thank you for reading and commenting💝💝💝

  11. Wonani says:

    Missed you here Jackie. I hope you are doing much better now.

    When I’m not okay, I become more productive if that makes sense. I find myself doing soooo much work to occupy my mind.

    These are all important signs you shared.

    1. jackie says:

      I relate to that too. I have seen people work through their issues like that too. Thank you for sharing. I have missed this platform too. I hope to post twice per week and engage more with people’s content. I hope I get that done once I am done with exams, it is kinda busy with school now.

      1. Wonani says:

        All the best with school 🤗

  12. judeitakali says:

    Wonderfully structured and informative.

    1. jackie says:

      Thank you💛

  13. This is so accurate, for extroverts,it’s hard to admit we ain’t okay.Personally, I learnt that I get caught up in the many activities, many friends, tend to do a lot and by the time I tend to my derailing mental health,it’s a lil too late due to too much suppression.

    1. jackie says:

      True, most extroverts face this. I hope that knowing the signs helps you

      1. Yeah

  14. kinge says:

    Interesting read, many times we fail to see the red flags that we are struggling, not okay until it’s almost too late. Thanks for spreading the awareness on this.

    Wishing you wellness and peace now and in the days to come.

    1. jackie says:

      So true. Hopefully we get better at it.

      Wishing the best too.

      1. kinge says:

        Yes, hopefully, gradually we will.

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