Hello Wild Ones🤗🤗,

I hope you are well. I hope you are taking one step at a time. I am currently find a balance in life as I juggle lots of hats that I currently wear.

Today’s Affirmation

One year after my bipolar diagnosis, I looked back at my life, and I was filled with this dread and anger. All I could see was that my peers had left me behind. I was stuck behind trying to figure out who I was. This left me struggling between having grace for myself and figuring out when my illness started being an excuse. It’s a weird space to be in, but join me for like a minute as I struggle to untangle the webs with a few points.

1. You are where you are supposed to be

When you have a certain way you think life should have gone, it’s very easy to be stuck on what you think you are missing out. I had a plan for my life before the diagnosis. I felt left behind when everything didn’t go the way I expected it to go. Then I stumbled on this quote that said, “You are not behind in life. To be behind in life would mean that someone else is walking the exact same life as you, and no one is.” It was then that I realised that nothing that didn’t happen was supposed to happen. Everything that’s meant for me is here, and it will always find me no matter what.

2. Give it your best

I have this deep fear that I will wake up one day, look around my life, and realise that I lived a mediocre life. This fear became even bigger when I became aware of my struggle with depression. I sometimes watch myself deteriorate to the point of struggling to take a shower. I have been through this rodeo before, but this time, I have a name for the struggle. I often can’t decide if the fact that I know what is happening to me gives me grace to not shower, or is it an excuse? Before not having the energy to shower just meant I was lazy and dirty but now I have insight that I am struggling to shower because I am depressed. This is a dance I have had with myself for a long time since my diagnosis. Then I realized that I don’t have to choose between calling myself mediocre and pushing too hard, I just need to approach everything I do with intention and compassion. Now, I just give it my best every day with deep compassion and understanding that my best looks different every day.

3. One day at a time

Sometimes, when I am starting a project, for a millisecond, I think, “What if I go into a depressive episode in the middle and then I never complete it?” For example, I started blogging again this year with long breaks all through; I just keep coming back and ghosting. I psych myself into writing an article then get into my head and demotivate myself. I keep getting in my way by telling myself all the reasons I will fail just because I have bipolar disorder. I now take each day at a time. I try to show up daily with understanding that every day, how I show up will be different.

4. Rest is okay

I am learning to be okay with the fact that life doesn’t always have to be happening. It’s okay to take a break. I don’t need to be on the go daily. Of course, it’s been a learning curve, and I am getting there.

5. It gets better

As I learn how to deal with my condition,things will get better. I choose to believe the worst is already behind me.

How do you find grace for yourself? At what point does grace become an excuse?

🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞

With love and light,

Jackie